Friday, 31 December 2010
Thursday, 30 December 2010
Anyway, the corn kernals have exploded into strange, bamboo like plants. I am delighted, you never know what to expect from such things. I will let you know when they get tall enough to climb up.
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
The wind has stopped today. The whole town has stopped. A black invisible cloud hangs over the invisible wife's house next door.
It's not getting in here.
Monday, 27 December 2010
Now I dream about medieval towns and a garden in the snow on top of a mountain. Go figure, as they say.
Sunday, 26 December 2010
This is what I am listening to so I am hovering inbetween realities here.
It's worth buying the album.
Friday, 24 December 2010
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
Monday, 20 December 2010
Sunday, 19 December 2010
Saturday, 18 December 2010
The town is full of small ladies clutching shopping bags. They are shouting recipes across the carpark at the supermarket. I spent a happy ten minutes at the chinese treasure store and emerged with red thread, silver thread, a cooking pan for the turkey.
Weather alert warnings everywhere.
Friday, 17 December 2010
The tree is here. Hooray!
Oh, and it's cold outside.
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
There are actually four ladies in this little group of party makers but two have vanished when I transfered them from Adobe illustrator to Photoshop.
I ordered a nail varnish that changes colour in sunlight for Alice who used to be Frank but as you reach checkout they announce it cannot be sent overseas.
The invisible wife left her dog locked up in her house for ten hours yesterday which means I bawl with helpless rage. And, as she is invisible there is never a moment to tell her to stop treating the dog is such a horrible manner.
Apart from that everything is great. Why does christmas make me feel wimpy?
Monday, 13 December 2010
I cannot believe the Wii. It says my age is 68 today...pleeeeeezzzzzzz and I have gained a kilo in the last week. Excuse me? After virtually running three thousand meters, ski jumping, slalom racing and cycling...a kilo? And I still am within my ideal body weight? How does this work then?
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Paco and Patrick went christmas tree hunting in three different villages, no luck. Christmas without a tree? Aah naaaawww.Still haven't made any cards. I should never have started making them.
Blowing a gale outside.
Saturday, 11 December 2010
"Hey! Long time no see."
I have to get off the bike as he is blocking the entrance to the wooden bridge. He is looking at the deaf man who always gives me a cheery silent hello.
"We thought she had died," says Mr. Parkinsons. "All laid out on the wall like that."
"Really?" the deaf man nods.
"White as a sheet. We had to hold her legs in the air and somebody gave her some water."
"Really?" The deaf man looks concerned.
"I'm fine, " I say.
"Was it your heart?" Mr. Parkinsons questions.
"No...actually (my heart is starting to speed up here) actually it was nothing...a mild panic attack." I say.
"Oh right...because we all thought you had died because nobody saw you again."
"I hate panic attacks," the deaf man says softly. "You never know when it's going to happen."
"Or was it not water? Was it a fizzy drink?" asks Mr. Parkinsons.
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
Monday, 6 December 2010
Playing on the Wii I discover my Wii age is 48...hooray. My BMI is ideal...hooray. I am five kilos overweight...BOO. For some really weird reason I cannot stand on one foot without falling over. I am quite puzzled by this. I also find it impossible to mirror image the virtual trainer who tells me to raise my right foot and left arm. This leaves me in a state of utter confusion and then I fall over. But for some reason I find this very funny. I'm lousy at ski jumping too but I am easily entertained.
Sunday, 5 December 2010
Friday, 3 December 2010
The invisible wife next door leaves Fido alone in the house for hours and hours everyday. He howls and howls and it breaks my heart.
Monday, 29 November 2010
And now...I get to colour it in. Same pleasure as when I was four.
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Saturday, 27 November 2010
One of the male guitarists breaks into a gutteral song. His eyes shut and his fingers grasp invisible birds flying by. The ladies giggle softly but they cannot move their eyes.
The woman in charge of the choir announces...
"It's the real deal tomorrow, everybody. Ladies...the matching flowers to be placed exactly in the centre of your hair . Check your earrings"
She is wearing Dick Whittington leather thigh boots, as are all the ladies in the village now.
Edith de France is trying to cure me of agoraphobia or give me a heart attack. I'm not sure which. Magic night.
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
I bumped into Mia the postlady who actually had the courage to play with the group last week.
"How did it go?" I say.
"Well, I got stuck on the one chord because I was nervous. Edith de France got lost. Maria de Andalucia was on the wrong page. Raul hit a string too hard...and when we stood up and bowed the audience didn't realise we had finished. Do you want to be in the Christmas show?"
I'll think about it.
Sunday, 21 November 2010
The wind is howling, my hands are frozen but I have a big batch of Scoth Broth bubbling. I'm sick of soup, actually.
Friday, 19 November 2010
Did you know that bank accounts go dormant and cannot be reactivated. I am spitting fireballs at the amount of phone calls and paperwork in order to do a simple money transfer which they refuse to do because Britain has made the account dormant even though the bank is not British. AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGG. What is the point of stuff put aside for that big rainy day if you cannot access it. Spit, spit, spit.
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
"He's not the shiniest spoon in the drawer," Edith whispers at my side. "He does this at all the rehearsals, especially when he's had a few."
Voz the caretaker of the community centre starts a vitriolic attack with a hammer against the water pipes just offstage. The singers are sighing and rustling their song sheets. They are so agitated they remind me of a pack of wild turkeys that belonged to a long departed neighbour of mine.
A highly entertaining evening culminating in a very surreal walk home alone. I didn't see a single person or car. Just streets lit up with orange lights. I could have been in a film.
Monday, 15 November 2010
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Friday, 12 November 2010
Nope, apparently not. Not me anyway. Stage four fear burning behind my eyes, coursing into my heart as I forget Edith de France is giving me a lift home. Somewhere in the distance I hear a chorus of "Rosana, Rosana...?"
But Jordi knows me pretty well and has opened up the fire exit at the side of the building , newly lit cigarette in his mouth. "Don't panic, don't panic." (Captain Mannering)
. I am snaking around the side, lugging the guitar, just wishing I could be normal like other folk.
Edith de France has now got me cornered with her Volkswagen. Game over.
So she has invited me to go to the Choral rehearsals (with two real flamenco guitarists) tonight so I can walk around on the stage and see how easy it is.
I didn't tell Edith that my last stage appearance was as Snow White in the Lochgelly community centre when I was twenty five. The dwarves were taller than me but one little girl from the audience came backstage afterwards and she thought I was a real princess. Magic.
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Monday, 8 November 2010
Sunday, 7 November 2010
This is part of Captain Mackenzie's Travels...more on that later.
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Friday, 5 November 2010
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Playing around in Ultra Fractal and suddenly the raytrace bakground emerged so I dropped...oh never mind. Squirly font size again. Anyway...dropped it into Painter Essentials, turned it into a woodcut. Sprayed in some fish, a house,lanterns, snowflakes, cherry blossom (None of them my own drawings. It comes with the software. What is the copyright on that?) Gave it the woodcut treatment again.
Still on a quest to get to Arisaig land. The bean and her husband have offered a seat in their camper van in exchange for the guided tour of the road to the isles...however, sleeping arrangements are up to me. I came across "Sunnyside Croft" which is exactly the place where I spent happy summer holidays. It is still there! But modernised!! And virtually fully reserved already for next summer!!!! Aaaaaarrggggggggggggg.Should I get a tent?
Saturday, 30 October 2010
Friday, 29 October 2010
Edith: And it's right here, no varnish, all pulled off. Jordi is frightfully sorry.
Luthier Elvis: Easy. We can replace the scratchboard with a thin veneer of wood or a sheet of plastic or completely revarnish the top part of the body.
Edith: It just came off in his hands and he was being really careful.
Luthier Elvis: We can't just revarnish the affected area. It would have to be the whole top. Somewhat more expensive but it would restore it to the original condition.
Edith: It's not as if he was tugging it off. He says if you stick anything on a guitar it dampens the sound.
Luthier Elvis: Well, actually that's true, although in this case it's a minimum amount.
Edith: And then crrraaaarckkkk, it all just pulled away and the varnish came off.
Luthier Elvis: Or we could put on a sticker of Franco?
(Beat, two, three four)
Edith: I beg your pardon? Franco?
Luthier Elvis: Yeah, funny guy. I grew up with him. Short guy, short legs, silly moustache. Bossy fellow. You could put a sticker of him on your guitar.
Edith: I don't think so.
Luthier Elvis: Verneer or varnish then?
Thursday, 28 October 2010
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Taking Edith to the mad luthiers in the next village this afternoon. Jordi pulled off the golpeador on her guitar and all the varnish came off with it. I arrived for my class just as it has happened. Jordi on the verge of self destructing with horror, Edith, being French, insanely in control. The luthiers have their studio in the attic of a carpenter's shop. One of those Spanish set ups where nobody answers the door unless you phone first. From the outside it looks like an abandoned warehouse. These luthiers are the kind that talk to wood personally. I knew a stonemason like that once but he went mad when a painter friend took him to Barcelona and he discovered putas. He never recovered. Nor did his wife.
Anyway, I really like people that have conversations with wood and stone.
Monday, 25 October 2010
The wild cat next door has stopped running away when I leave the food for it. Eric and the Reiki mistress return on saturday. After two weeks in France they may have possibly changed their minds about perhaps living there. The cat will be glad to see them.
The invisible wife is still hiding out next door. I have a gut feeling that her husband Henry may have become so emerged in Oktoberfest that he has forgotten he got married again a couple of years ago. She's stopped ringing the doorbell and asking me if she should leave him. She should, but not for me to say.
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Friday, 22 October 2010
One of those mornings where I swear I connected to the universe while cycling. I feel more normal now, thank you...although my sense of normality is apparently not normal.
Told off in the group for making faces while I play , How do you stop that? Time to go, gremlins at work here...
Told off in the group for making faces while I play , How do you stop that? Time to go, gremlins at work here...